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Peppermint Bliss Christmas 5x7 folded card

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5 months

Whew, Lil!

It was a long day today with you. I enjoyed it all, but you are still trying to get it together (as am I) from your first Christmas!

In addition to your first Christmas, you also turned 5 months old! You are SUCH a big girl. My favorite thing you do now is lean towards me and Daddy when you want us. You have started to lean towards other people, but you faithfully lean to us when we walk in the room. You are still a momma's girl... which is fine. Sure, it is tiring at times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Our big project with you right now is your sleeping habits. We are trying to get you to sleep through the night with only one feeding. Our first step was to get you back in your bed! You had gotten used to sleeping with us (due to my laziness) and had to be weened from our bed. Then you weren't able to sleep unless you were being held or in your swing. So we moved your swing into our room. You spend the night half and half. Then, we started putting you to sleep in your crib. The first time you woke up, we'd move you in bed with us. We decided to not rely on the swing anymore. And, actually, that works well now. Before you thought when you were in the swing you had to sleep and would cry if you weren't tired. Now, I can put you in it and you be happy while I get ready in the morning. We have always had 8 o'clock as our goal for your bedtime. And you usually got it about right. But the more scheduled your naps are during the day, the closer we get to 8 at night.

You are on baby food and rice cereal right now, along with nursing. I nurse you during the night, when you wake up, before bed, and any "in between" times. For lunch and dinner you get baby food/cereal. It is exciting to see you get better at eating from a spoon, but sad, too. You aren't going to be my baby for long! (Well, you'll always be my baby... but you won't act like one!)

You can sit up pretty well now. You are getting much more mobile. When on your stomach, you roll over, and are now starting to scoot sideways and backwards. We used to be able to sit you reclined in the highchair, but not so much anymore! Now we have to watch you pretty closely as you like to lean forward too much.

TV is pretty awesome for you! You looooove to watch it! Your favorite videos right now are Baby Mozart and Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie. We love to watch you watch them! You can be calmed immediately. They keep you entertained at least enough for me to do a load of dishes, laundry, or for me to shower!

Some days you just like to be held and to spend time with me. I love it. That's the kind of day we had today. The house was a wreck after this past weekend's events. Dishes needed to be done. Laundry, too. I had TV shows I wanted to catch up on, along with emails and blogs. But you had another idea that I liked much better. You wanted to snuggle and watch Finding Nemo. And that was OK with me. I wanted to snuggle with you, too. Because I know you won't want to much longer.


I love you very much, Lillian.

Love,
Momma

Weight: approx. 15 lbs (I weighed you with myself on our home scale today)
Height: ? We'll get updated for sure at your 6 mo. (!) appointment.

4 months... late... again.

My Wittle Wilwian,

I tried to phonetically spell what we tend to call you around here. :)

You are such a BIG girl now! Daddy and I can't believe how much you are more like a girl than a baby! You are growing more hair, which makes you look older. The bigger you get, the more grown up your clothes seem, too!

You now giggle at full force. Just the other night you were giggling away at Daddy. Speaking of that -- you are starting to be OK with Daddy (knock on wood). In the past, it was only Mommy that you wanted. Now, Dad's ok to be around, too.

You have finally rolled over! You don't do it too often, but we aren't worried. At least we know you have the ability to do so.

Although we are proud of all your accomplishments, one thing that you had down pat is now my own personal nightmare.... sleeping at night. You sleep in your crib for about 3-ish hours, then it's in bed with us until you wake up around 4 and won't go to sleep again until you are in your swing. So, Mommy (& Daddy) have spent quite a few nights on the couch lately. Starting this past week, we are going through "Schedule and Sleep Boot Camp." I WILL get you back on a schedule. And you WILL like it...

I really am so proud of you and feel so honored to have you as my daughter. I love you very much.

Love,
Mommy

4 Month Stats:
Length: 25 1/2"
Weight: 14 lbs. 5 oz.

Our First Christmas Cards... How Will I Choose?

Well, it is the season to begin thinking about our family Christmas cards. In the past, I've made our cards by hand. However, that was time consuming as it was... let alone with a baby needing your attention all. the. time.

So, I saw a post promoting 50 free Christmas cards from Shutterfly. I've often visited the site and messed around, wanting to buy things, but never getting around to it. One of my friends proposed to his now wife by making a photo book from the site. I was sooo impressed with the quality! After seeing the 50 free card promotion, I knew I had to take advantage of it for our first Christmas as a family.

Here are a few of my favorites. I really like the simplicity and the multiple picture options!


I got to these designs by clicking here. And how cute would it be to get some birthday cards for our 1st birthday?? And maybe Grandpa and Grandma would like a calendar of all Lillian!?!

Visit here to see how I'm earning my 50 free Christmas cards from Shutterfly!

3 months!

Ugh, Lil. You are 3 months old!! (Yes, I'm running a little late on this.)

I don't want to admit it, but you are becoming such a big girl! You are forming such a personality. You have the best gummy grin ever and I just melt every time I see it. There are some new developments I should document:

• You are able to stand on our laps and can hold yourself up if we are holding your hands. You love doing this and would prefer this over being held like a baby, now.
  
• You can giggle if Daddy and I really get you happy and excited. It is a mixture between a snort/gag/laughter. We love it.
  
• Depending on the brand, you are wearing mostly 3 month clothes... but only because I don't want to put you into your 6-9 mo. clothes. I have had to a couple times because of the weather, but I didn't like it! It means I'll have to pack away more clothes that I'll never see my baby wear again. :( I might have to get over it soon since your 3 mo.s are getting a little snug on that body of yours!!
• We've figured out what nipples on the bottle you like, so you will drink from a bottle really well -- compared to how it was before, which was not at all. So I feel a lot better about leaving you with other people. Before, I was worried you weren't going to eat. Now, I know you will. Thank you!! Now, Daddy and I can go out and enjoy ourselves and miss you, not feel guilty.
  
• You are beginning to recognize me from across the room more often. You have known my voice for a while, but now when you see me, I can tell you know me. Same with Daddy -- although that's a little more of a new development. I think you've always known him, but he doesn't. I think you just preferred me since I was the one feeding you!
  
• You love playing on your back. We have recently started forcing you to stay on your belly longer during play time & you are getting much more used to holding up your head like a big girl!
  
• Bright colored toys are your favorite. You don't like bulky ones; the nice light ones that you can grab easily are your favs.
  
• You have started to go to bed less willingly. Unless we have a busy day & really tire you out, you scream yourself to sleep. You have to have your paci or you freak out...
  
• You have been going to bed around 8 and staying asleep until about 6:30. It's so nice for me to get a nice night's sleep!!
• You love to sleep with Mommy & Daddy in our bed. Some nights when you really put up a fight, you go to sleep with us and we put you in your bed after you are really out for the night.
  

You have your 4 mo. appointment in a few weeks, so I'll be able to post updated stats soon. I love you so much, Lilli. You really are my world. I can't imagine loving another child as much as I love and adore you. I think about you constantly. I even dream about you. I love that you love me & that you are so excited to see me. I can't wait to see how much you grow in the next month!!

Love you, Lil!
Momma

2 months

Today you are 8 weeks old! I can't believe it! You have gotten sooo big... I've had to put away some of our favorite outfits on you since they don't fit anymore. :(

You were fun before, but you are even more fun now. You recognize me (at least recognize me as your food source). You will maintain eye contact, smile, and even occasionally giggle at people being silly around you.

Every one loves you. No one can keep their hands off of you... which is why you have bumps all over your face. You take after Momma in one department for sure: sensitive skin.

You make everyone smile and want to be nicer to others. You make me want to be better. And I love you for it.

After your 2 month shots, you were TICKED. Momma almost cried, but you stayed strong. You cried until I held you, then just looked at me as if to say, "What the CRAP, Mom???" You did fine the rest of the day, but got whinny at night. You got your first dose of baby Tylenol! :(

You are starting to not want to take a bottle from anyone else, and I feel OK about that until I NEED you to take a bottle from someone else. So, we are working on that right now. Daddy and I are trying to figure out what will make you take it some of the time and not at others. Temperature? Timing? We'll get it figured out.

Last night we bought you cereal. I want to try it when your daddy is home, though. So, you'll get a little bit tomorrow.

As of 9/21/2010:
Length: 24 1/2"
Weight: 12 lbs. 9 1/2 oz.
Head Circumference: 15 1/2"

P.S. Part of this was written on your 8 week mark, although I finished it and published it at 10 weeks... sorry, honey! :)

1 Month Doctor's Appt.

We went to the doctor this week for her 1 month check-up. We decided to go ahead and start the Hepititis B shots this time. It scared her -- and me! I was across the room, ready to hold her hand, and the nurse just stabbed her! I couldn't believe it -- my pooooooor baby!! She bounced back OK. She was scared more than anything, I think.

Her stats: 10 lbs. 12.5 oz, 22"

1 month

Lillian,

One month ago (yes, this is a few days late), you entered my world. Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of love I immediately felt for you when the doctor put you on my belly. You were awake instantly and looked right at me. Although I was groggy and pretty exhausted, I remember that. I remember your eyes looking up at me. Scientifically, I know that you probably could not focus on my face, but it was still like you knew that it was me.

You have changed my world completely. You make me smile and laugh at things that I never thought funny before. Things I once thought unimportant are now at the front of my attention. I so enjoy picking out outfits for you, bows and flowers for your hair, and, just today, you fit into shoes!

I am so excited to see you grow up and to help you become the woman of God that I hope you will one day become. I hope that I can work on myself before you can repeat what I say and have the attitude I sometimes have. Sitting with you in church today, which was your first Sunday that you were awake during service, I thought to myself, "This is the life. I have the best baby in the entire world. I want to do the right thing in raising her." You make me want to better myself in so many ways. I can't thank you enough for being the motivation for my spiritual, emotional, and physical changes.

You are growing up so fast. You wore the outfit you came home in the hospital in for the last time today. Daddy and I couldn't button the top button on the back that goes around your neck! We took you to church like that anyway because I had to have you wear it one last time. I had to see a glimpse of that baby I brought home one last time. I had to pretend, just for a church service, that I had a newborn baby one last time.

I look over and see you sleeping in your highchair now and have tears in my eyes. You are so beautiful. I know you love me so much (even if right now it is because I'm the one who feeds you -- I'll take that!). Know that I love you, too, baby.

Love,
Mommy

She's here!!

Our little Lillian Rae arrived at 9:47 PM on July 23. She was 20 1/2 inches and 8 lbs. even. She is soooo adorable. I can't believe I'm a mom and Brandon is a dad. I can't believe we are blessed enough to have this extra person to care for and love.

We've been very busy these past 3 weeks. She's an important girl around here! She ALWAYS has visitors or plans. So, this is the first chance I've been awake enough while she's on Daddy's lap to type this out... and I'm not sure how much I'll be able to get done.

On Thursday, the 22nd, I went out to lunch with my niece and sister-in-law. We went to visit Brandon's mom and Brandon at work, then chilled back at their house. While holding niecy, I told her to send Lil vibes to come soon. That night, I went home and had Brandon help me clean the house. I did cobwebs, floors on my hands and knees, dusting, bathrooms, and the entire upstairs. I thought to myself, "Is this the true burst of energy or am I just forcing myself to have one in the hopes it will do the trick?"

Either way,that night at 4:30 AM, my water broke in bed. I woke Brandon up, told him my water broke, and laughed at him as he asked me, "Are you sure you didn't wet yourself?" (Yes, it's happened before ... but only while pregnant) I assured him I was not wetting myself. As he was waving his arms in the air trying to find the pull string for the light, I got out of bed and realized that only made the gushing worse. I rushed to the bathroom... at least to the tile.

We decided to call the hospital and see what to do since I wasn't having any contractions. The man on the phone said that he would recommend coming as soon as possible. So, we then called my and Brandon's mom. I got in the shower while Brandon took care of the dogs. He showered while I did last minute packing. Mom and my sister arrived and led the way to the hospital. Yes, they arrived before we did. Mom was anxious.

So, we got checked in. The nurse tested me to make sure it was really my water that broke. It was. Obviously. I was so worried I wouldn't know if my water broke... I was SO wrong.

I was only dialated to 1.5 cm when we arrived. In a couple of hours, I looked at Brandon and said I was pretty sure I'd have to have an epidural. I really wanted to do it naturally, but c'mon. That was insane pain! I have to give props to moms who can handle that with no medication!! The nurse checked me a couple times and was really sympathetic to my pain. She had everything ready for the guy when I was at 3 cm so I could have the meds right away. It. Was. AMAZING. The pain didn't go totally away, but it was at least bearable.

However -- the worse part was actually getting the epidural. I bawled like a baby. It was horrible. I was leaning on Brandon and thinking, "What the crap did I get myself into?" And the sweet nurse was wipping my tears saying, "Hun, don't cry. It makes your back shake." Really?!? I guess it was the local anesthesia that hurts so bad.

Anyway, I felt better. So, then I was able to sleep a little (and I don't know how true it is, but apparently I was humming Victory in Jesus in my sleep. All I know is that Mom woke me up and said, "What are you dreaming about?" I said, "Jesus and Dustin." Dustin is my sister's fiance. In my dream, we were at my old church, where I went as a kid, singing that song, and I was sitting my Dustin. ...... I don't know.)

I don't remember much else other than being really hungry and people coming to visit me. A while later, I was in real pain. I wanted more meds, and he gave me a little, but said he couldn't do as much as the first time so that I could still feel to push. It was the most intense pressure I've ever felt. The contractions weren't as bad as resisting the urge to push. Finally, the nurse said I was good to go. I pushed for about an hour and a half and she was here! The cord was wrapped around her neck, but the doctor was super quick, Brandon said, and I actually didn't even know that happened until the next day when he told me about it. She was perfect. I did have to have some time put into cleaning me up afterwards, so Brandon brought her over to me and I got to hold her for a few minutes. I wanted him to have time with her, too.

It was late enough that our visitors weren't able to stay too much longer after her birth, so I was able to spend one-on-one time with her soon after. I can honestly say that I've never felt that amount of love all at one time ever before.

39 Week Update

So, I'm totally at 39 weeks today!! I really thought the little squirt would be out by now, but I was totally WRONG. She is VERY MUCH SO still in there....

I'm not trying to be mean to her before I even get to see her sweet little face, but seriously?! I have found myself talking to her constantly... even when I'm at home by myself. I say things like, "Oh, you don't have enough room in there? Well then, COME OUT!" or "Oh, I'm sorry you have to stretch right now. But I'm planning on staying in this recliner with my feet up. Sorry. If you were out here, I'd let you stretch all you wanted to on my lap."

I'm still very excited, of course. I can't wait to see her. After spending time with our niece, I just can't believe that that is what is in me right now! My niece was born at 39 weeks, so it's kind of weird to think about the comparisons.

I did have an appointment last week. Aside from the naked toddler in the waiting room... yeah... whole 'nother post there..... it went well. The doctor did check me (finally) and said that my cervix was pretty hard but that she could get a fingertip in it. Is that supposed to be some sort of joke? Like, I'm just going to tell you this so you stop freaking out about being pregnant, but really I'm typing in my little laptop that you are sealed as tight as a pickle jar. I don't really understand how for the longest time everyone said I was softening up, but then she throws out "hard." Maybe compared to where she thought I should be? I don't know. Freakin' doctor. So, she had me schedule my appointments for this week and next. Next week's appointment is on my due date, so hopefully we'll have SOME progress by then.

This is kind of embarrasing, but whatev -- it's all for Lillian to read when I'm too old/tired to tell her about what a pain she is. Since she has dropped, my lower abdomen has become really soft. Like, I don't even feel pregnant below my belly button. I just feel fat. And because it is so loose now, it just hangs there... because my upper belly is hard as a rock and keeps it hanging out farther than comfortable. Anyway - I started noticing that I was getting really sensitive on my lower abdomen. And if I wore pants that didn't have a full panel, the waistband would make a MAJOR indent on my stomach. I started checking it every night to see changes. It is like I have cottage cheese under my skin... gross, I know. I thought, well, crap, now I have like, fat deposits or something, on my belly. Lovely. But when I asked the doctor about it, she laughed. Laughed!! Ugh. It hurts sooo bad. I didn't not want that reaction, but was happy to hear that I am swelling so badly that water has started to collect in my abdomen. So what I am feeling in that "cottage cheese" area is actually water pockets. Gross, still, but at least it will go away, where fat would be MUCH harder to get rid of.

Speaking of swelling: ugh. That's all I have to say.

Next appointment is on Thursday. I haven't been having any contractions, so don't hold your breath... I'm certainly not.

38 Weeks!

Here we are: 38 weeks!! I'm sooo pumped to see my beautiful little girl. Especially since on our 38 week mark, July 14th, my first niece arrived! She is just so beautiful, content, and just such a good baby all the way around. I hope Lillian takes a hint when I hold her cousin and oh and ah over what a good baby she is.... yeah. right.


I was able to stay the first night at the hospital after niecy arrived with my sister-in-law. (Bro-in-law had to work, poor guy) So, I was there to help SIL get the baby fed, changed, and back to sleep. I didn't sleep much. :) But I made up for it the next day with a 6 hour nap. It was totally worth it though. I had a few reservations about being able to handle a new born at night with Brandon. And, as I told him yesterday, I know we'll both be exhausted and probably short with one another, I think we'll do great. Not the best example, but I remember watching an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate said something like, "We may not talk to each other in the nicest way, but we get the job done and no one's feelings are hurt." That was when they got along... btw. :) That's kind of the way Brandon and I are. We may say things, but are in complete understanding that we are both stressed/tired/want to get the job done quickly.

I'm actually really looking forward to the way our relationship will change with Lillian here. It's already helped us communicate our needs and feelings better. With his blood sugars basically determining his mood and my pregnancy hormones determining mine, we've gotten a lot better at admitting fault and apologizing -- something we just ignored before. I'm sure it will be a struggle -- I don't want to sound like I expect the perfect baby and life with hubby after birth -- but I can't help but have confidence in our relationship that we'll only grow stronger.

FULL TERM, BABY!!

First of all, let's all take a second to recognize what a horrible mother I am by not posting this exciting milestone post on the actual day that marked 37 weeks.

Done?

OK - yesterday was 37 weeks! Although I was over the top joyous, I had the attitude of ... well I can't even think of something that has as bad of an attitude as I had. Maybe a 9 month pregnant lady who was hot, sweaty (despite air conditioning and showering), had a messy house, did not sleep the night before, had diarrhea, and who threw up cherry limeaide and chocolate chips... at one time?

However, today is MUCH better. I am really REALLY into the nesting right now. I didn't realize it as much before. I went shopping today and got storage containers and whatnot for all her things to be in the kitchen and bathroom. I came home and, even though I was sweaty, I put it all away. I went grocery shopping, too. And enjoyed it. AND was nice to people! Not something that really happens very often.

On my way home, I was thinking that we still had just a few things to get done before she can come.
1. Dresser must be put together for her room.
2. Amazon still has to deliver breast pump, storage bags, and new camera.

When I got the mail today-- all of our things were here from Amazon! (Luuuuuuve that site, btw) And the dresser will be put together tonight .... if I have anything to say about it. :) Love you, Brandon!

So... to summarize: Lillian can come out any time now.

36 Weeks!

My mom says I'm really 38 weeks. She thinks I'm due the 14th instead of the 27th. I hope she's right.

I'm exhausted. All the time. Ugh.

I'm really really ready to see my little Miss Lillian. Her daddy and I have been working on getting her room together and ourselves in order. We've paid all our bills for July so we don't have to think about that. I'm super pumped to just focus on her.

We have an appointment to see the doctor on Thursday. One thing I will be mentioning is that I think I have lost or have started to loose my mucus plug last Friday. In birthing class, the lady said that it really isn't that big of a deal. That it doesn't mean you will go into labor right away. I'm OK with that. But my mom said that back in the day if you knew you lost it, the doctors wanted you to go within a couple weeks so that infection doesn't start. This makes sense. I mean, that's the purpose of it, right? Anyway, I want the doctor to know, obviously, and then do a cervical check and be like, "Wha? You are 7 cm dilated!!"


Optimistic. That's me.


But I am really enjoying this part of pregnancy. Well -- aside from the lack of sleep and exhaustion, anyway. I love the way my body looks --- with clothes on. I love the attention that Brandon is able to give Lillian and that she is responding to him a lot more now. I love knowing that it could be any day that we get to hold our baby!!

35 1/2 weeks

This week has been nice. So relaxing. The shower is over, so our house work is to the point of just when we have time/feel like it, we do it.... as opposed to AAAAHHHH!! THE SHOWER IS ONLY # DAYS AWAY!!!

So, we've been taking it easy. Enjoying spending time together and getting done what we want, not what we need. We've been able to spend more time with the dogs and have even had nice weather to take them out on walks together, so that has been nice for them and us.

The shower. Amazing. I should have done a separate post for that. It was incredible. My mom and sister put it on for me. It was all pink and white and glamorous. Brandon was able to be there for some at the beginning and end, so it was nice for him to see his family. We, of course, got sooo many things that we needed. I'm really glad Brandon made me wait to buy some things, in the hopes we would receive them at the shower.

I have been having some contractions this past week that actually hurt. One in particular went clear around my torso. Ugh. Pain meds? Hm.... She is remaining active, which I love. When I am home alone and sitting in the recliner (her fav position to move around), I think, "Man. I'm going to miss this." I love when Brandon is here to see/feel her move. He gets a grin on his face that I will remember forever. We can't wait to see her, but I think it will be weird not feeling her inside.

One thing I did not expect from pregnancy was the numbness/tingling in my fingers. Specifically in my right hand. I've done research, and apparently this numbness is typical. It has to do with the amount of fluids in your body and how it pinches the nerves in your carpal tunnel. The tips of my fingers on my right hand are nearly always tingly. Kind of uncomfortable, especially when writing.

Her room is done-ish. All we are waiting on is picking out/ordering a dresser. We weren't going to get one, but instead get a changing table. Then, after the shower and seeing what all we had for her to store, we decided that a short, long dresser that could double as a changing station would work really well in her room. Other than that, the crib/bedding and closet are done. Which were the two main things. I made her carseat safety check appointment... for Aug. 5th. That was the soonest we could get in. The lady said it was actually better because she would be here so they could fit it to her body. Ok... I'll drive safely until then. This past week I also packed her bag for the hospital and got everything we need for our bags. I just have to put our bags together.

Ah. Things are finally coming together. I love that it is so close, but am anxious, too!!!

33 weeks, Hosptial visit, 34 weeks

So... considering I am doing this blog less for followers and more for Lillian to read later (and for me to remember things later), I'm really behind. My goal was once a week... FAIL!

33 weeks: Nothing super exciting....... except for a hospital visit. It all started when I was having a super lazy day. We were having carpet installed, so I basically sat on the recliner all day. I thought it was odd that I wasn't feeling her move as much. So, when Mom stopped by to see the carpet, I told her. Between her and then texting/calling Brandon, it was decided that I should call the doctor to be on the safe side. The nurse had me do a kick count -- 10 times in one hour. She only moved 6 times and even those weren't as strong as I felt they should have been. So, in to labor and delivery we went. Dad met us at the hospital. We (finally) got checked in [side note: I was supposed to be pre-registered, but they didn't have me processed yet so that took forever. And they couldn't hook me up to the monitor until I was in the system. It took 45 min. for them to just get it so I could be hooked up!] and I got to hear my sweet little girl's heartbeat. But then, we noticed on the other line, little spikes now and again.... contractions. Again. Nice.

I was on the monitor for a good couple hours before they did a cervix check. I was soft and had a dimple (the start of dilation, but not really considered dilated). After that, the nurse came in and said that the doctor wanted to me to have a shot to stop the contractions. I took the shot and we were on our way home 4 1/2 hours after we first arrived. I hated laying there but was glad to know nothing was super wrong.

I did not have any more contractions that night and haven't had any since. I'm drinking a TON of water, taking it super easy, and hoping that when I actually go into labor, I'll know.

Today was a 34 week sonogram. My mom was allowed :) to come with us. She was really excited, which made it more exciting for me, too. The main purpose was to see if Lillian was laying sideways. She wasn't! The sonographer (?) even took some pretty good 3D pictures for us, which were awesome! Every thing looks good. Today Lillian weighs 5 lbs. 12 oz. The doctor said she wouldn't be surprised if she comes early. This makes me nervous and excited and lots of other adjectives, but mostly just anxious. I can't wait to see her!

32 Week Appointment

I was going to put a picture to relate to my topic of conversation for this blog post... but every time I Googled "labor", "labor and delivery," (and grossest of all:) "birth," I just found gross pictures.

Sorry. No side entertainment for you.

So, our appointment went well. Lil's heartbeat was 137. My uterus measured 34 cm. That was all we did as far as Lil was concerned.

We asked the doctor to go through the birth - what Brandon's role would be, how she felt about pain medication, etc. Then to go through the immediate recovery and where the baby would be. We feel so much more comfortable about all of this.

First let me say that she has never had a baby. Ok, now, I asked her what her opinion was about medication. She said, "Ultimately, you are in charge. If you want to try to do it without medication, fine. But, if I see that your body is stressed from the pain too much, I will suggest something to take the edge off at least." Ok. I'm OK with that, I think. I mean, I want to be open minded -- not stubborn. Then she said, "If I were having a baby, I would probably opt for the medication. No one is going to judge you if you say you want the medicine. Just keep that in mind, too." Right, lady. Well, watch out -- cause I'm probably going to be cranky and medication-free.

32 Weeks and Birthing Class

So, just like every Tuesday morning, I flipped our daily calendar that has some blurb about our growing baby to the next week. 32!! Aaaah! I can't believe we have only 8 weeks until our due date. :/ Nervous? Yes. Excited? Yes. Hot? ... Yes.

Luckily, this week was the last week of school. So, I've been able to enjoy sleeping in and catching up on some zzz's while sitting either in the air conditioned bedroom or under the fan in the living room. It's been really nice to just do what needs to be done and then enjoy relaxing and feeling my baby move around inside.

It's amazing how much I have depended on these movements to not only keep my paranoia down, but also to just fall completely in love with this baby. I firmly believe that she can feel my emotions. When I am happy, she kicks around. I have visions of her giggling and flailing her little arms and legs in excitement. When I am sad, she kicks, but not as hard. I can see me being in a sour mood and her coming up. hugging my leg, and saying, "I love you, Mommy." It's like that soft little kick is her way of saying that it'll be OK. Don't worry - I still love you. I also have noticed that when the dogs get excited and loud -- so does she. And when she hears Brandon's voice -- especially in the morning while I'm still in bed and he kisses me goodbye and in the evening when he gets home from work and she first hears him -- she moves like a wild woman. It makes me so happy to know that she already knows her Daddy's voice and that she loves him, too.

This week's birthing class was on pain medication during labor and interventions (vacuum, forceps, manually breaking the water, etc.). I certainly did (and still do) have an open mind to pain medication. And although Brandon was leaning towards none-- he wasn't the one pushing her out! I was nervous to make any big statements one way or the other... you just don't know how things are going to turn out. But after hearing the information that the class offered, paired with my own research, I am pretty determined to do this without medication. I think it is important to experience this event at least once. Maybe my mind will change with baby #2. And I didn't like all the maybe's the information presented. I didn't like the idea of making the choice of an epidural and then not having any other options (like different positions, walking, etc.). So, then I was leaning towards analgesics, which are basically just to take the edge off. But then you run the big risk of being mentally drowsy and out of it. That is something I certainly don't want to be while bringing my baby in the world. I'm certainly OK with a local anesthetic in the case of tearing or an episiotomy. I mean, it is not something that will effect the baby and it will occur only if the need arises.

Like I said, I'm still keeping an open mind. But once I set my mind to something, I pretty much stay that way. I am looking into other relaxation methods and will hopefully find something that will work. Even though I had a pretty bad attitude about this class, it's been really good for us. It has gotten us to start talking about things we probably would have made spur of the moment decisions on.

I am trying to gain the courage to talk to my doctor about our birthing plan. I mean, I know people do this all the time, but I feel silly telling the doctor what I want. Although, it is something that needs to be done, because, ultimately, I DO want it MY way. So, that is our #1 topic for today's appointment --- which I will update you on after!

31 Weeks!

We're at 31 weeks! Only 9 weeks left... finally... the single digits. :/

Yes. I'm a little worried. I'm trying to put on a brave face, but I think that will change. This week starts our birthing classes, so I'm sure I'll hear/see things I don't want to know about. I'm excited though. Makes it more real.

It's really hot out. Really hot. REALLY HOT. I thought I would do better than this. But my feet are swelling, I'm sweating, and I'm out of breath. Therefore, Brandon put in the window air conditioner for the bedroom. What a sweet, sweet man. I owe him.

Wait. HE did this to me. HE owes me. :)

Really, I haven't given Brandon enough credit. He's been really amazing through all of this. Yes, he spoiled me before. But he has never made me feel guilty about anything I've asked him to do for me. And a lot of things are even asked for before he does them. He has worked so hard on the house. He has brought in extra income to help level out our budget. And, most importantly, he has never made me feel like I am a nuisance. I am still the center of his world --- and I love it.

30 Weeks!

Well, 30 weeks is here! We are super excited to be getting closer to Lil's arrival!

Changes with me: majorly hormonal, intensely focused on getting this house in order (although you wouldn't know it by the looks of it), loving the feeling of Lillian's movements and hiccups, not so loving the bladder jumps, really hungry, annoyed easily, can't stand the feeling of hunger, occasionally vomiting...

but above all --- VERY excited to see this little person inside of me who keeps me uncomfortable and awake at night, who loves to kick Daddy when we are supposed to be sleeping, who always stays awake during church service, who never kicks people's hands after Momma has said she was moving (which makes Momma look like a total liar), who wakes up whenever the dogs bark,

but above all --- keeps Momma company when she is feeling nervous about being a mom.

29 Week Appointment

Ok, first of all, let me just say that we are going to skip over the fact that I waited 1 hour and 45 minutes PAST my appointment time to see the doctor. Next time, I'm stopping by McDonald's and getting McNuggets and a Sweet Tea.

So, we (finally) get back to the exam room. The nurse says my pee looks good. Lil's heartbeat was 141. Down from her average, but up from last week. ... Could it be because she was awake due to her mommy's stomach making awkward noises? The doctor then came in to explain my test results.

Results: my blood pressure is fine right now, but she thought it was odd how I was having symptoms of preeclampsia. She said she wanted me to be conscious of my body -- how I'm feeling (stressed, over-worked, etc.) and if the symptoms come back to call. Also, after my 24-hour urine sample, it showed that I was spilling some protein into my urine. This means that my kidneys are working a little harder than normal. I guess during pregnancies, they already do work harder, but mine was slightly above average. Nothing to worry about right now, just to keep an eye on. Then, my blood work for the glucose test came back fine. Nothing to worry about there. I don't remember the test, but whatever it was tested to see if I was anemic. I guess the regular level is about 11.7. Mine was 11.5. Again, she said she wasn't going to put me on iron yet, but ... something to keep an eye on.

So, basically, I'm doing well. She wasn't at all worried since my cervix is closed and my symptoms have gone away since I've been taking it easier. She said, "You are good and pregnant, and you'll stay good and pregnant." Good. That's what I want.

Well, not what I want for me... but for Lil.

We asked about Brandon being diabetic and if that effects her in any way. The doctor said when she's born, no. They won't do anything like check her blood sugar or anything since I am not. We also asked about birthing classes. Ok --and my feelings about this could be a whole other post -- but we're taking one. It starts in 2 weeks. I'm also looking into infant CPR classes. I took one when I was in high school and one when my cousins were born 3 years ago, but I would feel more comfortable with a refresher.

So, that was our Friday. Next appointment in 3 weeks .... I'll be 33 weeks then! Yikes!

29 Week Update

Well, I'm a little scared. This is the last of the 20's. Next week we'll be in the 30's. Nice, because it's reassuring knowing that we are getting closer and closer to 1. if something went wrong she'd be ok-ish, and 2. the actual due date.

I took my 24-hour supply of urine to the lab yesterday. Not really sure what they are testing, but said I'd know the results on Friday at my appointment. My contractions have gone down TREMENDOUSLY since I've been aware of my body and when it needs rest. I feel like I have more energy, but as soon as I start to do something, it's gone. Hopefully, I'll gain some of that back. It's kind of perfect timing seeing as how school is winding down and I'm getting called less. I feel guilty when I say no to schools, so this is a nice compromise. I haven't heard anything about my other tests. And since she said no news is good news, I'll take it.

Surprise!!

Last weekend, my mom, sister, friends, and I went to the Vera Bradley outlet. Awesome, by the way. We had to stand in line for 2 1/2 hours, shopped only for 45 minutes, then in line again for 1 hour. I know I should have been less tough and listened to my mom. She told me to sit down during the lines... I didn't. So, my feet were swollen the entire way home (about 4 hours). This isn't the first time I've swelled, but the only time I thought I deserved to swell.

We got back on Saturday afternoon, and I threw a baby shower for my sister-in-law on Sunday. Those who know me know that I stress over everything and stuff like a shower I am throwing really pushes me over the edge sometimes. So, I had a pretty big weekend. After the shower I took a 4 hour nap to recuperate. Apparently, that wasn't enough.

I worked all day Monday through Wednesday... was just plain WORN OUT every day. I started to never be able to deflate my feet. I was getting really bad headaches and then my left eye would go blurry for a couple of seconds. Add to that upper-adominal pain and dizziness and you have my mom telling me to call the doctor. So I did. Mid-work day on Thursday. She said she wanted me to come in, so I had to leave work early.

My sister came to the doctor's office with me. First, they thought it was my blood pressure, which turned out to be fine. Then, I was on a monitor for about an hour to monitor the baby's heartbeat/movements and to see if I was having any contractions. Turns out I was. I'm not sure how many. I only felt one. I guess that tightening feeling I was getting was a contraction. Who knew? And, even though I have an appointment in 1 week, since I just happened to be there, would I like to do my glucose screening at this time? Sure! So, I drank that nasty drink, got my blood drawn, came back to the exam room, and the doc checked me all out. She is running a lot of tests to see about different things. One of the main tests is to see if I am at risk for pre-term labor within the next two weeks. She said she'd call if I was... no call yet! I also have the joy of doing a 24-hour urine sample. Yay!! I start that on Sunday and take it in first thing Monday. Doc did say that my cervix is locked tight, so that's a really good sign.

Brandon and his mom started the paint job on Lil's room this week. It needs another coat or two before we can do the stripes I want. It' looks awesome. So much better than the skank it was before. Every time I step into it now I can vision her in there. I'm very excited!

She is moving A LOT more this past week. I love feeling her move. I think she is getting a little personality, too!

26 Week Appointment

Brandon wasn't able to go to the appointment yesterday. I was a little sad because it's like it is becoming a reality that even though Lil is the center of our world, Brandon just can't take a whole day off work to go to an appointment. It's just the start of things that one or both of us will miss, even though we don't want to. I scheduled my next one so that he can come, though.

Even though Brandon wasn't there, my mom came with me, which I'm happy for. If it wasn't Brandon, I'd want it to be her.

Lillian's heartbeat was 141.. down a little, but still good, they said. I was had some questions about some things I was experiencing, so the doctor decided to do an exam. :( But, she said everything seemed normal, even though she was going to send a sample off for a test, and that my cervix was closed. So, that's good, I guess!

It was just a regular ol' checkup, but it was nice to hear her heartbeat again. It's such a relief to hear it.

Last night, we went back into town to register for the baby shower. I'm very excited and anxious to get this going, now. This past week, especially the past few days, I look very pregnant, I (mom, and Brandon) think. I'm really ready to see her. I just know she'll be the best baby ever.

And it begins...

Well, the construction for Lil's room has officially begun.

A couple weeks ago, my dad and Brandon (with the help of my sister's boyfriend) built the closet for her room. Brandon was in charge of mudding/sanding it. Because of weather and busy schedules, he is finishing it this weekend. Then, all we have to do is paint, carpet, and move her in!

Here is a couple before shots of her room:

It's a girl!!

We found out a week ago today that we will be having a little girl! Her name is Lillian Rae. At the appointment, she weighed in at 1 pound 6 ounces (59th percentile). The doctor said jokingly that it was a little above normal, but not to worry. We told her we expected a chunk to come out (I was 9 pounds).

She has all her parts... hands, fingers, toes, lips, etc... The pre-appointment flyer they gave me at my last appointment said that before the ultrasound to drink 24 oz. before the appointment. So, I drank 1/2 a quart of water ........ and a can of Mt. Dew. I wanted her to move so we could see what she was! I sat and waited to be called back... and had to pee soooo bad. I held it until we got back to the room. Then we had to wait for about 20 more min. for the lady to come in. She finally did and said, "Ok, just lay back." I looked at her and said, "Ok, well, that'll take a second or I'll pee my pants." She laughed and told me to take my time. She put the gel on and started the ultrasound. What was the first thing she said? "Wow. Yeah, your bladder is really full." Duh.

She had me go to the restroom becaus Lil's head was stuck... yes STUCK... under my bladder. :) So even though she was hyped up on Mt. Dew, she still couldn't move because of my bladder. After that, she cooperated pretty well. We had a little trouble finding all her parts to the heart because she kept putting her chin to her chest and causing a shadow to fall on the heart.

Then we went to the appointment to meet with our doctor. We waited about 15 min. in waiting room, then waited 1 hour and 15 minutes in the appointment room. Yes. That long. Only to find out that it would be another 40 minutes because she was at the hospital with a patient. Ok... Fine. Then, about 35 minutes later, her nurse came in to say that she isn't coming at all... Would it be ok with me to see a midwife? Sure. Whatever. Just get me out of here. I know all I need to know and I'm hot. I told her I thought it was warm in the room. Wowza. She jumped then. "Oh! Well, let's turn down the thermostat. Do you need water? Ice? Ice chips? Anything to make you more comfortable?" "No," I said. But what I thought was, "I need to see someone and LEAVE!!!"

Well, the midwife met with us for about 5 minutes. Then we left for Grandma's to tell her, my mom, and my sister what we were having. They were super pumped. My dad and brother came about 5 minutes later. Brandon and I called everyone on our list and then posted it on Facebook. We've really been busy starting to get things prepared that I completely forgot to update this. I need to stay on it, because this is kind of like her baby book! :)

Last post until we know...

Friday is out appointment to see our baby again! We are SOOO excited! Like I said before, we have names picked out and are ready to use one of them. The past few days I've been trying to focus on the fact that we are getting to see our baby. We will be able to know if it's healthy and how big it is. Even if we don't find out what sex it is... we'll still have a baby. AND we'll know if I can get off of pelvic rest (yay! b/c these hormones are hard to deal with!).

I'm really nervous, too, though. Because I know that this is so real. I feel the baby every day... multiple times a day... my belly is getting bigger... the stretch marks are VERY apparent... but I haven't seen our baby since December. I'm ready to see it -whatever "it" is - again.

On a side note, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on here before, but Saturday will be Grandpa's 63rd birthday. I think that it is pretty cool how God has everything worked out in my life: Grandpa passed away in September, October: went to graveside and asked him to put in a special word into God for me to get a baby (not that I believe that it was Grandpa who allowed me to get pregnant... just God's timing... but still cool in the scheme of things), December: find out we conceived in beginning of November, and now, the day before his birthday, will find out what the baby is. I really think that the baby will be a good thing for our family. Grandpa would really be excited, I know. For some reason I think it is a boy, and will have a personality like Grandpa: hilariously inappropriate.... which is likely, considering the kid's parents. :)

Anyway, I'll probably post Friday! :) Pray all goes well and that we can find out if this thing is a he or a she!

1/2 Way There!

Wowza. I haven't posted in a while.

Well, Tuesday marked our 1/2 way point of 20 weeks! But even more exciting is that Brandon got to feel the baby kick on Sunday!! I've been feeling it more strongly over the past week and a half, but he hadn't been able to feel it yet. My mom and sister are pretty pumped for when they'll be able to feel it. Brother, Dad, and sister's boyfriend are ok with just waiting until they can see it. :) Mom and Jess tried to feel it one night when we were over for dinner and I knew it was kicking, but they couldn't. Soon, though, I think!

Today marks 2 weeks until we find out if we'll be welcoming a boy or a girl! We are sooo excited. Our nursery plans are pretty much on hold until then. ... well, that, and waiting on our tax returns to do some more construction-type work on the room. We've decided that Dr. Seuss is for sure it if it is a boy, but I'm not convinced that it'll work if it's a girl. I haven't seen anything girly-Dr. Seuss that I like. I am really a fan of going all out glitz if it's a girl. Pink and diamonds, baby.

18 Week Appointment

We visited the doctor yesterday. Heard the heartbeat -- a steady 144. Brandon saw how red my belly was from my "maternity" pants... (real waistband w/ intense streachiness... they were branded as maternity, though). Anyway, so he bought me real maternity pants. Now, I'm in heaven with my stretchy pants. The appointment wasn't very exciting other than getting to hear him/her again.

Speaking of him/her statements: we're pretty sure we are having a boy. I mean, if we have a girl, don't go telling her that her mom has bad intuition. But, all of our family thinks it is a boy, too.

We scheduled our ultrasound appointment for late March, so the countdown is on!

I think I have also decided that the theme for the nursery is going to be Dr. Seuss. (cute, right?!)

Emotions

Ok, so the past week has been amazing in terms of Brandon and my relationship. Before, I was cranky, easily irritated, snappy, and just a plain ol' pain in the butt. But I've gotten so much better. Brandon said he thought he was with a different person. And because I was in a good mood, so was he. We have started a bedtime and wake-up routine... lame, I know, but it helps! So, we wake up nice to each other and go to bed nice to each other.


Then..... today came. I just felt like I had been holding in the entire week until this moment. The 3 o'clock bell rings at work, the kids leave, and since I have my plans for next week already finished, I crack open a little Harry Potter. I wait until it is time to leave, get in the car, and pick up Brandon. We weren't 3 minutes from his office when I started flipping out about pizza. About how he didn't understand me. About how "cravings" is an understatement. "I WILL KILL FOR PIZZA," I said through tears.... while driving. Then, I freaked about how I will end up going home, making a nice dinner, then have to wash the dishes... but wait! I haven't washed the dishes from last night's nice dinner. So... I'll have to wash the dishes, cook, wash more, and not even enjoy what we ate.

Needless to say, we ordered pizza.

I want my good mood back.

16 weeks

Well, I feel like I haven't been on in forever. I am feeling MUCH better now, though, thanks for asking.

I'm really starting to enjoy being pregnant. I'm starting to show (yes, it's a baby, not fat...) and my morning sickness is going away almost completely (knock on wood). Last week I started to work full-time to cover for one of my friends' maternity leave at school. The day after she had the baby, we went on Skype with her and the kids got to see her beautiful baby boy. I couldn't even get on the screen because I was crying so much! It just made it so real! In just 5 months, we're going to have a baby!!

I found out that my sister-in-law (who is one week ahead of me in her pregnancy) will be finding out at her next appointment what she is having. Her husband is leaving for a missions trip before her next one, so she wanted to see before he left. So, I called my doctor to see if we could plan an ultrasound to find out. They said they'd rather us wait until March... :( Oh well! At least I'll have one baby to start buying for!! :)

Some of you participated, which I appreciate, in the poll for the baby's name. I'd like to announce that we have picked them officially and are really excited about our choices! I'm not going to post them on here yet, but some of you already know... and if you do, congratulations! If not, it's nothing personal. I'll probably tell you the next time you see me if you ask (and if I don't blurt it out right away). We aren't trying to keep it a secret, but we'd like to see what it is before we start associating names with it. Clue: the girl name was not an option for the poll...

I've started to buy clothes, but only ones on the sales rack. I'm not discriminating the gender. I'm just buying whatever is cute. Brandon is getting into it, too. He loves shopping for the baby, which I'm so glad to see. After our appointment in March, we are planning to really start decorating the nursery. We have some construction that needs to be done no matter what the gender (closet needs to be built in, light installed, carpet, etc...). We think we have the themes picked out but we'll have to wait on that until we know what it is.

That's kind of where we are right now... in limbo. We can do some things, but not a lot. We're having a lot more fun with the baby now, though. We're talking a lot more to it (even though the hearing isn't developed yet) and about it. We're pretty excited!


Picture from: http://daniellefreelances.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/boy_girl_symbols.jpg

Nothing new

There isn't much to report right now. Other than extreme boredom.

I guess I should be grateful. Next week I start working full-time, covering a maternity leave for one of my friends who teaches a developmental kindergarten class. She has a scheduled C-section for Wednesday, but an appointment on Friday. I'm prepared to be called in for Monday. I worked two half-days this week. That was nice. I could sleep in, but still earn some money. One of those days was a HORRIBLE day for my morning(/all the time) sickness.

Let's talk about that. I had a pretty good night sleeping. I got called the night before in to work, so I woke up knowing I'd have to work that afternoon. I don't really remember too much about that morning except for that while Brandon was here still before work, I ate a quarter of one of those huge Sam's muffins and a juice glass of O.J. After he left, I threw it all up. First the O.J..... then the muffin. Which was blueberry, and, apparently, I need to chew those better. So, I thought I was feeling better, so I got up off the floor to get some crackers. I was standing at the pantry trying to find the new box of crackers when I panicked. More muffin went all the way down the cabinet doors... about 2 tablespoons fell into the sink. Then what happens? Eko, our new dog, came in and started eating it off the rug in front of the sink. Nice. I tried to stop him. But then thought, "Hey! Thanks!" So, I took a picture of the mess and text it to Brandon at work (yes, we have that type of relationship) and then cleaned it up.

So, I went to work, drank LOTS of water and ate LOTS of crackers in between teaching lessons. When I got home, I thought girl scout stew sounded good. Now, for those of you who don't know the importance of girl scout stew in my life: this is the dish my grandpa ALWAYS made for me. It's awesome and delicious. So, my pride went up a bit while putting it together b/c Grandpa wouldn't want me going my entire life not making it because it would make me think of him. So, I got to the part where you put in the browned hamburger. The thought of browning hamburger wasn't sitting well with me. I then remembered that I had a container of frozen brown hamburger in the freezer that needed to be used. I thawed it out and plopped it in.

By the time Brandon came home, the bottom of the pan was scorched and I questioned if what I put in was really hamburger. Brandon's blood sugar was high, so while he ate something carb-free, I ate a bowl of stew. During my last bite, I realized what I put in was sausage. :P I do NOT NOT NOT do sausage... even when I'm not pregnant. So, I ran for the bathroom. It was disgusting. My stomach is churnning right now thinking of how it felt and looked coming up. It was so sad. I brushed my teeth and had Brandon pick out the meat for me to eat another bowl. It was a much smaller bowl and I kept it down. Brandon said later that Grandpa would have thought the whole situation was very funny and he's probably right.

Then Brandon reminded me that I did have those sickness pills from the doctor. I got them a couple of weeks ago, but we decided that I would only take them when I couldn't keep much down. So, I popped one in. I wish I would have thought of that at 9 a.m.

So, the next morning, I threw up my breakfast and knew I had a day ahead of me, so I took another pill. I didn't feel bad about it, especially when I got called into work last minute. Today, I haven't taken one or gotten sick, but all I've had is chicken noodle soup and crackers. I've drank lots of water, too.

Also, according to thebump.com's Chinese gender predicting calendar, we'll be having a girl. We'll see in March, though!

13 Weeks

We had another appointment today. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat and meet the doctor who will be delivering our little bundle of joy. The nurse was putting the thing on my belly to hear the baby and I thought I heard what was the heartbeat, but wasn't sure. I thought she'd be like, "Oh! There it is!" But no. She did say while I was lying back on the table that since it's still kind of early to not be alarmed if she couldn't find it right away. Oh. Ok. I told her not to worry.... I would freak out. So, then I thought FOR SURE she'd say something when she found it. Nope.

So, anyway, then she was like, "147. That's really good!" I was like, "So..... you found it?"She just looked at me. Whatever. I asked her -- to be sure -- if it was only one. I REALLY want twins. I'll take just one for right now, though, I guess.

The doctor came in after that. She was super nice. I know this is stupid, but I like that she is overweight. I'm very self-conscious of my weight anyway, especially when people are messing with my flabby belly. So, it makes me feel good to know that she has one too. It's horrible, I know.... She explained the placenta previa thing more and said that she wasn't too concerned about it. She believes it will move as the baby grows. She said to expect a change in that at our next sonogram. She OK-ed, for now, our family vacation that we were tentatively planning for May. She said that I need to be careful of blod clots and to walk every 100 miles or so. No problem, as we already stop that often to pee.... and none of us were pregnant.

Overall, great appointment! I'm really looking forward to the next one.

I thought that it would be the sonogram that changes my outlook on all the sickness and whatever but I think it was the heartbeat today. It just totally made me smile knowing that there is a little life -- not just a blob -- inside me. I'm very much so looking forward to being pregnant.



Pictures: Baby http://assets.babycenter.com/i/m/stages/popups/13/index.jpg
Heartbeat: http://www.topnews.in/healthcare/sites/default/files/heart_beat.jpg

12 weeks

Well, today is 12 weeks! I'm pretty excited. I feel like every week marks a little down -- lots more to go. I have one more week to be out of my first trimester, so I hope it gets better from here.

It's not that I don't enjoy being pregnant, but I don't enjoy being sick. I hardly ever get sick... and when I do, it's usually pretty bad. So now that I have morning sickness -- FOR REAL NOW -- I hate it. On one bad day, I called for the doctor to prescribe me something for it. I picked up the pills and popped one in my mouth. I immediately felt horrible about it. Brandon and I feel very strongly about researching everything that goes in my mouth/body and therefore into the baby. We feel like a natural, non-medicated birth is our first choice. So, if I can't even handle feeling bad now, what about when I am in labor? Ugh, I just felt horrible... mentally. Physically: SOOOOOO much better!! So, I decided that I at least had the pills if I needed them, but I would try to tough it all out.

I know that I don't have sickness like some people. But, I'll admit it, I am a pansy. So, a week later, and I have only taken one other pill (yesterday). I got sick after Subway (yuck) and strawberry jell-o. I took a pill, slept all afternoon, and had Brandon bring Taco Bell home for dinner -- which was AMAZING. It was amazing because I was feeling better... because of the pill.

So, I'm torn. Do I take the pill (which, after research, I know now has NOT been tested on pregnant women, but is prescribed to them often) and feel better and thus eat? Or... not take the pill, feel horrible, not eat, and be grumpy...... and very hungry?

Whatev. It'll all be worth it.

Right?

Seriously

Well, it all started when I said I was starting to feel better.... It's been downhill ever since.

On Sunday after church, Brandon and I went to Monicals for lunch. We ordered a salad and pizza. Of course, I drenched my salad in their French dressing (with a little ranch). After my second (small-ish) bowl of salad I looked at Brandon and said I'd be right back. I locked myself in the bathroom and threw up my guts. Ruin my appetite? Never. I rinsed my mouth out, went back out, and finished off that pizza like a champ. I felt pretty crummy all morning, but so much better after getting sick.

Then it was Monday morning. I woke up with the need/want to get sick. However, I would have to go all the way down stairs to do so. So, I sucked it up and waited until it was time to get up to go get sick -- but get sick, I did.

Then, Tuesday morning came. Oh my. I knew I had to work that afternoon, so I got up a little early (to help Brandon with a poopy dog -- I didn't help clean up, btw, just for moral support, you know) and went ahead and got sick to get it out of the way.

But this morning---- oh, this morning----- Seriously. Seriously. I could NOT sleep. This has been a problem, but has been getting better. I'm just so uncomfortable. I have back problems at night anyway, but this is extreme. I've been sleeping with a body pillow for support and making Brandon lie tight up against my back to keep me supported on both sides. But last night NOTHING helped. I ended up officially waking up at 3:30 AM. I refused to get out of bed. I sat up my pillows and just closed my eyes while the silent tears streamed down my face. And no -- I'm not being dramatic. At 4:45ish, Brandon woke up to me sitting on the foot of the bed whimpering. I didn't mean to wake him, but ... well... I did. He rubbed my back a little and said he was planning on getting up at 5 to work out anyway. So, I cried and wished that cuddling up with him would have felt comfortable, cause I'm pretty sure it would have made me feel better.

So, he got up at 5, and so did I. I've not been up at 5:00 since.... I don't even know. I immediately went downstairs and got sick like I've never gotten sick before. Not even with the flu. Unfortunately (or fortunately), all I'd had since about 8:00 the night before was water and ice. But man, oh man. That was rough. So, I sat on the bathroom floor, realizing it needed to be cleaned, while eating crackers and wondering if it's just going to get worse or better.

Seriously. I'm over this sick stuff.